I am just a teenage girl… still in high school.
i have no friends, that i can talk to,
there is no one that i can depend on.

My life is on the edge, i feel like walking on a thin sheet of ice.
I dont know when everything in my life will shatter apart that i cant handle anymore.
But it wont be long enough anymore, because i am starting to get wary…
there is no way that i will be able to keep standing strong.
It hurts so much, that i cant tolerate anymore,
i know that anytime soon, i will fall.
But if i fall this time, i know i will never be able to get back up again,
because i have lost all my reason to live already.

It will just be a matter of time.
But as long as i can, i want to keep holding on,
i dont want to give up, not just yet.
Some people might be able to relate to my life.
i know i have lots of things going on in my life, many things that i cant handle alone,
but there is no one that cares enough about me to listen to me in my world.

The only thing that keeps me holding on to my life,
and help me keep trying to continuing to live ,
is my believe that things will get better one day.
And that one day is not so far from now.
As long as i keep on believing, everything in life will be possible,
and that one day, everything will be alright… everything will be okay.

It is just a matter of time… ~ feeling lost


This blog…


If anyone other than me is reading this blog, i want you to know that:
This is a blog for the unsaid words of my life, the hidden side of me…
– A side of my life that i cant tell anyone about,
– A side that i need to talk it out or else i am go crazy in an unknown time.

A person once used to tell me that i need to talk it out, because no one can carry all the burdens alone, and that all the people in this world are here to help each other, that i should not worry that i will be a burden to other, by telling them my problems. That person is probably true, but i still dont have the courage to do it. i don’t have the courage to let people around me know about my problems. so i am just using this blog so that i will have place talk out what i am feeling, to have something that will be there for me when i need.

~ Some Years After Utmost Natural Gift : Smile 🙂



Today at lunch, i went to the gym. I waited for him to come play basketball as usual with his friends. For every moves he made, every passes he gave, and every shots he took, i just stared from so far away. He might not notice me sitting there, i dont know… or he might just be pretending not to see. But i could feel that he felt my presence.

Today was one of the best game, i have ever seen him played, not that he won or lose, but the sight of him letting his little brother come play with him, and putting him on his team, it just made me more sad. How am i to tolerate seeing his brother everyday at school, and trying not to miss him?

I dont want him to leave. That is the truth i want to tell, that i want him to know. He might not have felt how i feel, but i know deep down how hurt i am going to be when he leave in less than 3 months.
i really dont want him to go…

i know i wont ever have a chance to be with him,
but somehow i just keep hoping that i can be somewhere around him.
To see his face, and his smile everyday….

i just need someone to talk to right now ~ feeling desperate.