How does one know if she has forgiven?
You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage,
you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with her.
You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.
Since last two years ago,
there was a grudge that I have held against one of my friends.
No matter how much time had pass,
or how close we had become over these two years,
I just couldn’t let go of the fact that she had hurt me.
Every time i see her face, i just can’t forget about what had happened.
Every time I got in a class debate,
there was always a contradiction from me to go against her idea.
In my mind, there was always a idea to revenge her,
to hurt her in some ways as a price of me and my friends being assaulted,
although she had hurt me physically,
I made a choice that I won’t do the same thing back,
but in a much worse way, so that she will learn
what it means to be hurt and embarrassed in public.
Although I knew how bad it is, and how wrong I am to be doing that,
I just couldn’t stop it anymore,
my hate on her had grew on me.
It hurts me so much to hurt my friend,
but I just can’t let go anymore.
It affected me more than it did to her;
it made me a colder, mean,
totally ignorant and sarcastic person.
To ignore her, I became a socially awkward person,
I wouldn’t have fun as long as she is there.
But later she found out that I was so mad at her for what she thinks was a small act.
She didn’t even say sorry, but our friendship had become much better.
Today I saw her best friend crying,
I couldn’t ask why…
When I looked at her, I know she was about to cry.
Her eyes so red and tears are already forming at her eyelids
but she was staring so hard at the lights on the ceiling, so that she won’t cry.
I felt so sorry for her that I just want to go and hug her,
but we sit at the opposite side of each other.
That moment, I realize that I have forgiven her.
The sad thing is that I only have two more years left
to be with my friends, and the people I love, before college.
Although what she did to me was kept so deep inside my mind,
I just don’t want to care about it anymore,
because the past is the past, and what is left is in this present time,
is the opportunity that I can make our friendship better,
and have fun with the remaining time.
Life is short,
and the person who dwells on the past
will not be able to enjoy the present.