I want people all around me to be happy.
No matter how much i needed to sacrifice, i did my best to satisfy them.
For my friends, my teachers, and esp my parents.
All i have ever wanted was to be appreciated and understood…
but i guess i have been wrong. All that i have done had been misunderstood.
i need them to know how much i am trying.
Every night, i went online for moral support…
just to see if there is someone i can talk to.
Or sometimes i read blogs after blogs.
It only helped me for a temporary amount of time,
where everything just seemed nicer and peaceful for a while.
But the moment i woke up the next morning, reality kicked in.
Everything dropped back into a routine life
that is like hell decorated with money,
a world filled with fake people that are and will never be contented with life,
with selfish people who cant appreciate how much someone is trying.
I feel like a death person waking up everyday,
trying my best, and giving my best efforts for nothing, just to satisfy them…
i am very tired of it.
My teacher used to tell me that “Life is beautiful and what we’re feeling will not be forever.
We are here on this planet to help each other through life, nothing more.”
I believed in her. i always do.
But i cant stand anymore. i dont want to.
I just want to run so far away from this life,
hide from all of them,
and start a whole new life somewhere.
Somehow I felt that i am losing all my motivations in trying to live.
i really dont want to live anymore…
I felt so useless in this life. I see no purpose in the existence of my life.
I dont even know why i’m still alive.
What is the point of living when we are going to die one day?
When we are dead, our existence wont matter anymore.
just like people who had gone ahead of us.
The only thing is that i cant find a way to die.
A quick peaceful death that wont hurt much.
I dont want to be a burden for someone, even I am already dead.
I just want to disappear…