Help me.

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I thought I had friends. So many of them. When I really need someone to lean onto, I am only left with a shadow of my own. I searched for support, I searched for love. But there wasn’t anyone beside me. I was wrong. I was so wrong. Has everything just been illusions? Was nothing real? Now I’m shut out from this world, unable to understand myself. What is wrong with me? don’t have any answers to that. I’m dying in my own thoughts. I am lost in this uncertainty. I don’t know who I really am. I don’t even know what is happening anymore. There are times when I just want to shout out for help, for someone to realize that I’m drowning deep down to the darkness. I’m grasping for hope. I kept trying to find a string that I can grasp on to dearly without losing a hold. I feel like walking on the thin edge of the world. Any step that I mistook on this ridged path will make me stumble deeper until I can’t be helped. Someone save me now.

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Love…

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Whenever I hear a guy say…”she’s too wild, too much, too hard to figure out, too complicated, too intense, too emotional, too opinionated, or crazy”…I hear…”I’d a burned her ass at the stake back in Salem. She is too connected to the Goddess. I won’t be able to tame her. I won’t understand her. I won’t be able to keep her. She won’t need me. She is too powerful and won’t love the wounded parts of me.”

Au contraire, she will see the parts of you that you’re afraid of and love them anyway. A women unleashed will love you without every needing to change you. She will connect to you on a primal level, needing your body, succumbing to her inner fire, her passion and will rock your world. As a lover, she’ll not just make love to your body or heart, but to your soul. You will wonder how you ever called it living before you met her. She will piss you off and when you fight, it will suck. When you make up, you will realize you felt like you were dying as you thought of life without her, but she’s taught you of your strength and how your vulnerability makes you brave. She makes you realize you could survive anything, even losing her, because she taught you to believe in yourself. She will demand more of you and you will be glad she knew you had it in you all along. She will fiercely love you and teach you, nurture you and reach you, which at times make you uncomfortable. She will love the scared, little boy inside that you are afraid exists and acknowledging him makes you feel like the old you died, the one that lived a lie, that BS guy. That part of you that feels not good enough will come up to heal and she will see through your façade. She’ll push your buttons and make you reach for more within yourself. She will make you ask yourself questions, making you grow, and know way more you thought was even possible. She will challenge you and never will she be boring. She will excite you and infuriate you with her boldness, that she allows herself to just be all of herself, and not parts. Her tears will scare you and you will want to fix her, her problems, and the world. She will reassure you that this is one way she expresses herself and that it doesn’t mean weakness, that you can cry when you are angry, happy, sad, and for no reason at all. That tears are like an elixir for the soul, a catalyst for letting go, a signal of a change in energy. It will be a wild ride, an adventure that takes you to the edge of yourself.

Love a wild one. Let her bewitch you, entrance you, bedazzle you, seduce you, mesmerize you, enchant you, and let her free you..

~ Jenny G. Perry

First time…

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For the first time in almost 17 years,
i got proposed by a guy, my best friend.
I dont know what i am feeling at this moment.
i am happy, confused, very worried and very scared.

If i accept him, he would be my first,
and i would be his first.
I dont know what to do…

He liked me since 7th grade,
but was not dared enough to tell me,
i noticed that in 8th grade,
so i started talking to him,
he is a very guy, i dont want to hurt him,
When i was in 8th grade,
He asked me if i would be his girlfriend on the day of my soccer tournament,
It was the first i had ever asked, i was happy, more than happy,
he promised that he would come watch me on my soccer match,
i told him that i would give him an answer on that day…

He didnt show up, and worse he told me he was joking me seriously,
Why? Because i was the closest girl for him in class,
i forgive him… i let it go. it hurt me so much.
But he never apologize…

8th grade passed by…
He ignored me for the whole 9th grade,
he think i dont realize that but i do…

i dont want to lose a good friend cuz of a stupid thing,
so i just talked almost everyday with him n his best friend.
Things get better this year., in 10th grade.
He talked to me again.
He started to message me like normal., since the end of August…

Today he called me, the first time in 2 years…
i was happy.
He called me 8 times today…
finally he proposed me again..
i dont want to fall in the same trap twice.
but i just want to believe in him once again….

And so once again i have broke my own promise of not falling for anyone….

I hope i dont need to regret this time…

You are not alone…

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This is for someone as well as for me…

If you’re struggling tonight, please know you are not alone.
You matter very much. So, please don’t give up.
The World is a Harsh place,
but You are not Alone, None of us are..
Keep Holding on, and Stay Strong…
No matter how hard you have been knocked down, always get up.

You will make it through…
Just believe in yourself…

Sept 1st

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Its always amazing to get a little surprise from the person you love.
A little short Hello from a person that u were waiting for,
is like one of the best things that can light up the day.

No matter where i am, what time it is, or even what i am doing,
the sight of her remembering me can make me happy, even with a simple letter.
She’s an exception of my life…
A truly Special and unique person, that i will never be able to forget…
i am thankful… it’s such a great start of a new month…

i miss her ~ feeling happy!

Me…

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I am just a teenage girl… still in high school.
i have no friends, that i can talk to,
there is no one that i can depend on.

My life is on the edge, i feel like walking on a thin sheet of ice.
I dont know when everything in my life will shatter apart that i cant handle anymore.
But it wont be long enough anymore, because i am starting to get wary…
there is no way that i will be able to keep standing strong.
It hurts so much, that i cant tolerate anymore,
i know that anytime soon, i will fall.
But if i fall this time, i know i will never be able to get back up again,
because i have lost all my reason to live already.

It will just be a matter of time.
But as long as i can, i want to keep holding on,
i dont want to give up, not just yet.
Some people might be able to relate to my life.
i know i have lots of things going on in my life, many things that i cant handle alone,
but there is no one that cares enough about me to listen to me in my world.

The only thing that keeps me holding on to my life,
and help me keep trying to continuing to live ,
is my believe that things will get better one day.
And that one day is not so far from now.
As long as i keep on believing, everything in life will be possible,
and that one day, everything will be alright… everything will be okay.

It is just a matter of time… ~ feeling lost

This blog…

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If anyone other than me is reading this blog, i want you to know that:
This is a blog for the unsaid words of my life, the hidden side of me…
– A side of my life that i cant tell anyone about,
– A side that i need to talk it out or else i am go crazy in an unknown time.

A person once used to tell me that i need to talk it out, because no one can carry all the burdens alone, and that all the people in this world are here to help each other, that i should not worry that i will be a burden to other, by telling them my problems. That person is probably true, but i still dont have the courage to do it. i don’t have the courage to let people around me know about my problems. so i am just using this blog so that i will have place talk out what i am feeling, to have something that will be there for me when i need.

~ Some Years After Utmost Natural Gift : Smile 🙂